Hi! Well, I got past the big number drop! The day of surgery (to have my gallbladder removed), which was last Friday, I stepped on the scale at the hospital and it said 179! Eeek! Then of course I had surgery, which went well, and gained about 5 lbs just of fluid and bloat. Ugh. But today I stepped on the scale and it was down to 178! I'm so excited!!!!
Only 38 more pounds to go to my goal! And next week, after my post op appointment, I start going to the gym. I've signed up for a Power Up class, which is a lot like a boot camp class. I need it. I need someone in my face telling me I'm strong. I need someone to yell at me. I need someone to tell me I'm not working hard enough. Because honestly, I'm not. I need to work out. I was doing really well until it got over 100 degrees around the 1st of July, and has stayed there ever since. Even at 8 PM, its still around 94 degrees outside. That's just too hot to walk or run for that matter. So now, I'll go to the air conditioned gym, and hopefully the weight will come off quicker again. :)
Today's Weight: 178
Total Loss: 78lbs
Monday, August 6, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
The Big Number Drop
So I've told a few of my friends lately that the numbers on the scale I hate the most end with 1 and 0. Why? Because they are the last two pounds before the big number drop. I hated seeing 240. I wanted to be in the 230s. Then I hated seeing 231, because I was so ready to be in the 220s. And so on. And today, I'm at 180. I had a goal to be in the 170s before our yearly family reunion/ AKA, Camp Meeting. We leave next Wednesday. I'm having my gall bladder removed tomorrow. I hope it weighs at least a pound! LOL!
But I'm so ready for the big number drop. I'm ready to be in the 170s again. (I was 17 the last time I saw 170) For those of you who aren't good at math, that was 12 years ago. (And good God, that math problem just made me feel really old!) Hopefully, I'll wake up in the morning and the scale will say 179. That way once they take the gallbladder out, the scale will be even more sweet to me. :)
Speaking of sweet, my scale apparently has a sense of humor. Its a digital scale. Some days I will step on it and it gives me some absurd number. Like yesterday, when it said 157. Then I stepped off, stepped back on, and it said my true weight yesterday, 180.5. It's like, "Here's a number to make you happy." And then when I step back on its like the scale is saying, "Psych! Try again next time!" Stupid scale and its mind games!
Today's Weight: 180 lbs
Total Loss: 76 lbs
But I'm so ready for the big number drop. I'm ready to be in the 170s again. (I was 17 the last time I saw 170) For those of you who aren't good at math, that was 12 years ago. (And good God, that math problem just made me feel really old!) Hopefully, I'll wake up in the morning and the scale will say 179. That way once they take the gallbladder out, the scale will be even more sweet to me. :)
Speaking of sweet, my scale apparently has a sense of humor. Its a digital scale. Some days I will step on it and it gives me some absurd number. Like yesterday, when it said 157. Then I stepped off, stepped back on, and it said my true weight yesterday, 180.5. It's like, "Here's a number to make you happy." And then when I step back on its like the scale is saying, "Psych! Try again next time!" Stupid scale and its mind games!
Today's Weight: 180 lbs
Total Loss: 76 lbs
Thursday, July 19, 2012
What's Up?
So, what's up with me lately? Not much really. OK, I guess there is a lot.
First things first, I'm sitting at 182lbs as of yesterday. Weight loss is slow. I'm not discouraged, but I do wish I was still loosing 5-8 lbs per week like I was at first. But I guess my weight loss is normal, and maybe even accelerated, which brings its own set of challenges--more on that in a bit.
Next, I joined a gym! I was going to get a personal trainer, but decided its just not in the budget at this time. (It was going to be over $1200 for 5 months! Gah!) However, starting next week I'm planning on trying to at least go on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for a Power Up (bootcamp style) class. I'm hoping that I can loose my last 42lbs quickly by building back some muscle and exercising. Hopefully the class won't kill me. And I'll be honest. I haven't been in a gym since I was about 17. So 12 years without stepping foot in a gym, and this wasn't Curves people. This was a hardcore, body building, crossfit style people gym. Nuts. It was hella intimidating. But I'm going to go back. Because even if I don't look like the bodybuilders and fitness models that frequent that place, I am at least doing something other than sitting on the couch, or browsing Pinterest.
Now for the bad news. Apparently, rapid weight loss can cause gallstones. I kept getting weird pains in my right side, right below my ribcage. I though I was just pulling muscles while exercising. Wrong. I went for an ultrasound, and my gallbladder is full of gallstones. So, for the second time in less than 6 months, I will be going under the knife. I have been assured that this procedure is much less painful than the gastric bypass, and its outpatient, so I'll get to go home the same day. Hopefully I'll heal quickly, because we all know I don't have time to be down!
Lastly, I wanted to let everyone know that just 4 days after my gallbladder surgery, I'm planning on going to Jon's family's campground for a week. Its kind of like a huge church camp for families. Its awesome. I'll be missing the first weekend due to my surgery, but dang it, I'm going for the second half of the week! The camp is in the boondocks in southern Arkansas. (Hollywood Arkansas actually. Never heard of it? Yeah, that's because the population is less than 40! haha!) Its actually been incorporated into the town of Arkadelphia. If you've heard of that and are thinking, "oh, that's not that far out" just remember, from the campground, we have to drive about 10 minutes before we can even get any cell phone reception. Yeah, that's how far into the boonies we will be. :)
As a parting gift to you, I'm posting a few pictures taken last week. :) Because I know you've all been loosing sleep at night wondering what I look like this week. Bwahaha!
First things first, I'm sitting at 182lbs as of yesterday. Weight loss is slow. I'm not discouraged, but I do wish I was still loosing 5-8 lbs per week like I was at first. But I guess my weight loss is normal, and maybe even accelerated, which brings its own set of challenges--more on that in a bit.
Next, I joined a gym! I was going to get a personal trainer, but decided its just not in the budget at this time. (It was going to be over $1200 for 5 months! Gah!) However, starting next week I'm planning on trying to at least go on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for a Power Up (bootcamp style) class. I'm hoping that I can loose my last 42lbs quickly by building back some muscle and exercising. Hopefully the class won't kill me. And I'll be honest. I haven't been in a gym since I was about 17. So 12 years without stepping foot in a gym, and this wasn't Curves people. This was a hardcore, body building, crossfit style people gym. Nuts. It was hella intimidating. But I'm going to go back. Because even if I don't look like the bodybuilders and fitness models that frequent that place, I am at least doing something other than sitting on the couch, or browsing Pinterest.
Now for the bad news. Apparently, rapid weight loss can cause gallstones. I kept getting weird pains in my right side, right below my ribcage. I though I was just pulling muscles while exercising. Wrong. I went for an ultrasound, and my gallbladder is full of gallstones. So, for the second time in less than 6 months, I will be going under the knife. I have been assured that this procedure is much less painful than the gastric bypass, and its outpatient, so I'll get to go home the same day. Hopefully I'll heal quickly, because we all know I don't have time to be down!
Lastly, I wanted to let everyone know that just 4 days after my gallbladder surgery, I'm planning on going to Jon's family's campground for a week. Its kind of like a huge church camp for families. Its awesome. I'll be missing the first weekend due to my surgery, but dang it, I'm going for the second half of the week! The camp is in the boondocks in southern Arkansas. (Hollywood Arkansas actually. Never heard of it? Yeah, that's because the population is less than 40! haha!) Its actually been incorporated into the town of Arkadelphia. If you've heard of that and are thinking, "oh, that's not that far out" just remember, from the campground, we have to drive about 10 minutes before we can even get any cell phone reception. Yeah, that's how far into the boonies we will be. :)
As a parting gift to you, I'm posting a few pictures taken last week. :) Because I know you've all been loosing sleep at night wondering what I look like this week. Bwahaha!
Today's Weight: 182 lbs
Total Loss: 74 lbs
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
WHAT???
I stepped on the scale this morning, and guess what I saw? 186!!!!!! I distinctly remember weighing 188lbs when I graduated high school. Which means I've not only lost 70lbs since Christmas, but I now weigh less than I did the day I graduated High School 11 years ago.
Sometimes I wish there were do-overs in life though. Like my 10 year reunion that I skipped last year. I skipped the reunion partly because I went to high school with a bunch of overprivileged douche bags who I really didn't care to see again, but also because I was ashamed of how overweight I was. Isn't that sad? Now I wish I could go and show everyone how awesome I turned out. (AKA, show off pictures of my kids and my good looking husband!)
I also wish I could re-do my wedding. I really wish I could wear that beautiful Monique Lhullier dress that I wanted so badly, but didn't have the figure for. Although my dress was beautiful, it was not my dream dress. It was the dress that hid my fat the best, and flattered my unsightly figure the best. And it was one of the only dresses that came in a size 22.
But, there are not do-overs. Just lessons learned. What's the lesson here? If you are overweight, unhappy, and ashamed of yourself, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW! YOU GAIN NOTHING BUT MORE WEIGHT BY WAITING! I wish I had done this right after I graduated College and before Jon and I got married. That way I could have worn that $5,000 dress and given my dad a heart attack when I asked him for his credit card. And I could have gone to that reunion and been proud of myself and my accomplishments.
You know what though? I am SO PROUD of myself. I am currently talking to three people who are considering weight loss surgery. I think that two of them are amazing candidates. (One just is not ready for the lifestyle change, and I get that. She'll get there eventually!) I hope that by sharing my story, I can show the world that being overweight is nothing to be ashamed of. And that doing something radical, like weight loss surgery, is nothing to be ashamed of either, and that it is NOT the easy way out.
You know me, changing the world one ass kicking at a time! Lol!
Today's Weight: 186
Loss since Surgery: 63lbs
Total Loss: 70lbs
Sometimes I wish there were do-overs in life though. Like my 10 year reunion that I skipped last year. I skipped the reunion partly because I went to high school with a bunch of overprivileged douche bags who I really didn't care to see again, but also because I was ashamed of how overweight I was. Isn't that sad? Now I wish I could go and show everyone how awesome I turned out. (AKA, show off pictures of my kids and my good looking husband!)
I also wish I could re-do my wedding. I really wish I could wear that beautiful Monique Lhullier dress that I wanted so badly, but didn't have the figure for. Although my dress was beautiful, it was not my dream dress. It was the dress that hid my fat the best, and flattered my unsightly figure the best. And it was one of the only dresses that came in a size 22.
But, there are not do-overs. Just lessons learned. What's the lesson here? If you are overweight, unhappy, and ashamed of yourself, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW! YOU GAIN NOTHING BUT MORE WEIGHT BY WAITING! I wish I had done this right after I graduated College and before Jon and I got married. That way I could have worn that $5,000 dress and given my dad a heart attack when I asked him for his credit card. And I could have gone to that reunion and been proud of myself and my accomplishments.
You know what though? I am SO PROUD of myself. I am currently talking to three people who are considering weight loss surgery. I think that two of them are amazing candidates. (One just is not ready for the lifestyle change, and I get that. She'll get there eventually!) I hope that by sharing my story, I can show the world that being overweight is nothing to be ashamed of. And that doing something radical, like weight loss surgery, is nothing to be ashamed of either, and that it is NOT the easy way out.
You know me, changing the world one ass kicking at a time! Lol!
Today's Weight: 186
Loss since Surgery: 63lbs
Total Loss: 70lbs
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Picture Time
Pictures were requested by a friend yesterday, so I aim to please! (Did you catch that 50 Shades of Grey Reference? lol)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Cover Up
I told you all yesterday that today I would talk about how all the extra weight I was carrying severely damaged my self esteem. Well, here goes.
A year ago, my life was all a cover up. Thoughts were constantly running through my head. Thoughts like, "How can I blend in." "What can I wear that doesn't make me look like I weigh 256lbs?" "Does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, of course it does. Is there anything I own that makes me look less fat?" and my personal favorite, "I can't do/wear that. That's for skinny people."
At some point, I got so freaking tired of thinking those things. It was downright exhausting! And my ass hadn't even gotten off the couch! LOL! But really, mentally, it was taxing. And I didn't want to live that way anymore. So I went to an info session at Dr. Roller's office to check about lap band surgery. I thought I needed to loose about 40 or 50 lbs. Hahahaha! I really had no idea how out of control my weight was. And I was the SMALLEST person there! So really, I was sure I didn't need the surgery. But I went ahead and made an appointment with the Dr. to discuss options.
I was SHOCKED when Dr. Roller told me that I needed to loose about 110 lbs, and that I was a good candidate for full Roux en Y gastric bypass surgery. Holy shit! Was it really that bad? Well, yes, it was. I didn't have any health problems (or so I thought), I was active (or so I thought), and I was young. Surely I wasn't that big!
Oh, but I was. Now, I realize that I did have health problems. My blood pressure was running around 128/78. Now it runs 118/65. My fasting blood sugars were around 128. Now they are around 80. And I was NOT active. At least not compared to now! Now I will run laps around my husband at our local theme park. I'm pumped when I get there, and I'm not exhausted when we leave 6 hours later after riding every roller coaster in the park and walking about 5 miles. And as far as the being young part goes, I feel 10 years younger now. (And honestly, I look about 5 years younger) Truthfully, I look 10 times better today than I did 6.5 years ago at my wedding. I think I'm hot, and so does my husband.
I'm not covering anything up anymore. Yes, I still have bumpy bits, and jiggles. Yes, I have a bit of flabby excess skin. But I'm NOT covering it up. Now I'm not ready for a bikini yet, but I'm rocking my tankini this year. (You know, besides the saggy boobs, but that's from breastfeeding 2 kids!) And I'm wearing sleeveless shirts. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since my Sophmore year of college. And I'm not afraid to wear shorter shorts. And dresses don't look like mumus on me anymore. And I feel good about myself.
Once again, weight is not related to self worth. I know a lot of bigger girls, who are beautiful, healthy, active, and who don't cover up. They are beautiful, and they feel beautiful, and they rock their curves. But I was not one of those girls. I was so ashamed of myself. Losing the weight has allowed me to let go of that shame, and be happy again. And I FEEL great too. Which really is the best part of all.
Atina
A year ago, my life was all a cover up. Thoughts were constantly running through my head. Thoughts like, "How can I blend in." "What can I wear that doesn't make me look like I weigh 256lbs?" "Does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, of course it does. Is there anything I own that makes me look less fat?" and my personal favorite, "I can't do/wear that. That's for skinny people."
At some point, I got so freaking tired of thinking those things. It was downright exhausting! And my ass hadn't even gotten off the couch! LOL! But really, mentally, it was taxing. And I didn't want to live that way anymore. So I went to an info session at Dr. Roller's office to check about lap band surgery. I thought I needed to loose about 40 or 50 lbs. Hahahaha! I really had no idea how out of control my weight was. And I was the SMALLEST person there! So really, I was sure I didn't need the surgery. But I went ahead and made an appointment with the Dr. to discuss options.
I was SHOCKED when Dr. Roller told me that I needed to loose about 110 lbs, and that I was a good candidate for full Roux en Y gastric bypass surgery. Holy shit! Was it really that bad? Well, yes, it was. I didn't have any health problems (or so I thought), I was active (or so I thought), and I was young. Surely I wasn't that big!
Oh, but I was. Now, I realize that I did have health problems. My blood pressure was running around 128/78. Now it runs 118/65. My fasting blood sugars were around 128. Now they are around 80. And I was NOT active. At least not compared to now! Now I will run laps around my husband at our local theme park. I'm pumped when I get there, and I'm not exhausted when we leave 6 hours later after riding every roller coaster in the park and walking about 5 miles. And as far as the being young part goes, I feel 10 years younger now. (And honestly, I look about 5 years younger) Truthfully, I look 10 times better today than I did 6.5 years ago at my wedding. I think I'm hot, and so does my husband.
I'm not covering anything up anymore. Yes, I still have bumpy bits, and jiggles. Yes, I have a bit of flabby excess skin. But I'm NOT covering it up. Now I'm not ready for a bikini yet, but I'm rocking my tankini this year. (You know, besides the saggy boobs, but that's from breastfeeding 2 kids!) And I'm wearing sleeveless shirts. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since my Sophmore year of college. And I'm not afraid to wear shorter shorts. And dresses don't look like mumus on me anymore. And I feel good about myself.
Once again, weight is not related to self worth. I know a lot of bigger girls, who are beautiful, healthy, active, and who don't cover up. They are beautiful, and they feel beautiful, and they rock their curves. But I was not one of those girls. I was so ashamed of myself. Losing the weight has allowed me to let go of that shame, and be happy again. And I FEEL great too. Which really is the best part of all.
Atina
Monday, June 18, 2012
Jumpstart
Hi everybody! I know, its been almost a month. Sorry. Today I'm at 188lbs. That means I've lost 8 lbs over the last month. That's nice, but I would like to be losing faster. I'm going to call the Dr. here in just a bit to see if that's where I should be at this point, or if I should be losing faster. At this point, I have 48lbs left to go to get to my goal. If I keep losing at the rate I'm going now, that would mean 6 more months before I meet my goal, which would put me a year post op. Which I guess is what they said would be the point that I would likely stop losing, but still, I wanna be skinny now!
I'm going to try something over the next week. I'm going to try to eat nothing but protein shakes or greek yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch. Then eat a small dinner. Hopefully that will jumpstart the weight loss again.
Eating has been going pretty good lately. Except for the BBQ Tri-Tip sandwich I tried to eat the other night from my favorite BBQ place. That went horribly. Imagine me, getting a nice, relaxing pedicure. Then having to try to tell the poor Filipino lady that I had to go puke, except she spoke no English. Yeah, sweet! Lol!
But other than that, things are going good. We went to Shogun for Father's Day dinner last night. I ate some salad, some soup, a few veggies, some steak, and a few bites of fried rice. (Cause hey, what's the point if you don't at least get a few bites of the rice!)
On the exercise front: I LOVE mowing the lawn! Who knew? So I've been push mowing the lawn once a week for a workout. And I've been walking 1 mile about 3 days a week with a friend. The kids love to go for walks, and I get a workout. :) I also tried the P90X 30 Day Ab Challenge. FAIL! That thing kicked my ass big time! I got through 3 of 7 exercises, then I was so sore for 3 days that I could barely lift my legs! (Again, the pedicure lady thought I was pathetic. I couldn't lift my leg for her, and I was puking. Awesome!) But apparently I'm a sadist, because I'm going to try it again today.
On the appearance front, I had to go buy some new t shirts the other day. I didn't have any that fit me! Yay! I'm wearing a large, almost medium T-shirt now. And most of the clothes I'm buying are size 14 or a size large. This makes me so happy! I haven't been this thin since High School. Hells yeah! I got a haircut last week. Its a little shorter than shoulder length, and my face doesn't look fat! And My pedicure looks awesome too. :)
Overall, life is good. I feel great, I look great, and I'm super active compared to when I was fat. Notice that? When I was fat? Yep, I no longer consider myself fat. Could I stand to loose 40 more pounds? Yes. If I never loose that 40 lbs will I be unhappy? YES! Do I love myself more now than I did in January? HECK YES! Am I super proud of myself that I've lost 68lbs since Christmas? You bet your ass I am! Am I still a fat girl? Absolutely not. Is self worth related to weight? No. Hell no. But for me, losing the weight has made me realize how unhappy I was. More on that tomorrow.
Today's Weight: 188
Total Loss: 68 lbs
XOXO
ATINA
I'm going to try something over the next week. I'm going to try to eat nothing but protein shakes or greek yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch. Then eat a small dinner. Hopefully that will jumpstart the weight loss again.
Eating has been going pretty good lately. Except for the BBQ Tri-Tip sandwich I tried to eat the other night from my favorite BBQ place. That went horribly. Imagine me, getting a nice, relaxing pedicure. Then having to try to tell the poor Filipino lady that I had to go puke, except she spoke no English. Yeah, sweet! Lol!
But other than that, things are going good. We went to Shogun for Father's Day dinner last night. I ate some salad, some soup, a few veggies, some steak, and a few bites of fried rice. (Cause hey, what's the point if you don't at least get a few bites of the rice!)
On the exercise front: I LOVE mowing the lawn! Who knew? So I've been push mowing the lawn once a week for a workout. And I've been walking 1 mile about 3 days a week with a friend. The kids love to go for walks, and I get a workout. :) I also tried the P90X 30 Day Ab Challenge. FAIL! That thing kicked my ass big time! I got through 3 of 7 exercises, then I was so sore for 3 days that I could barely lift my legs! (Again, the pedicure lady thought I was pathetic. I couldn't lift my leg for her, and I was puking. Awesome!) But apparently I'm a sadist, because I'm going to try it again today.
On the appearance front, I had to go buy some new t shirts the other day. I didn't have any that fit me! Yay! I'm wearing a large, almost medium T-shirt now. And most of the clothes I'm buying are size 14 or a size large. This makes me so happy! I haven't been this thin since High School. Hells yeah! I got a haircut last week. Its a little shorter than shoulder length, and my face doesn't look fat! And My pedicure looks awesome too. :)
Overall, life is good. I feel great, I look great, and I'm super active compared to when I was fat. Notice that? When I was fat? Yep, I no longer consider myself fat. Could I stand to loose 40 more pounds? Yes. If I never loose that 40 lbs will I be unhappy? YES! Do I love myself more now than I did in January? HECK YES! Am I super proud of myself that I've lost 68lbs since Christmas? You bet your ass I am! Am I still a fat girl? Absolutely not. Is self worth related to weight? No. Hell no. But for me, losing the weight has made me realize how unhappy I was. More on that tomorrow.
Today's Weight: 188
Total Loss: 68 lbs
XOXO
ATINA
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)