I stepped on the scale this morning, and guess what I saw? 186!!!!!! I distinctly remember weighing 188lbs when I graduated high school. Which means I've not only lost 70lbs since Christmas, but I now weigh less than I did the day I graduated High School 11 years ago.
Sometimes I wish there were do-overs in life though. Like my 10 year reunion that I skipped last year. I skipped the reunion partly because I went to high school with a bunch of overprivileged douche bags who I really didn't care to see again, but also because I was ashamed of how overweight I was. Isn't that sad? Now I wish I could go and show everyone how awesome I turned out. (AKA, show off pictures of my kids and my good looking husband!)
I also wish I could re-do my wedding. I really wish I could wear that beautiful Monique Lhullier dress that I wanted so badly, but didn't have the figure for. Although my dress was beautiful, it was not my dream dress. It was the dress that hid my fat the best, and flattered my unsightly figure the best. And it was one of the only dresses that came in a size 22.
But, there are not do-overs. Just lessons learned. What's the lesson here? If you are overweight, unhappy, and ashamed of yourself, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW! YOU GAIN NOTHING BUT MORE WEIGHT BY WAITING! I wish I had done this right after I graduated College and before Jon and I got married. That way I could have worn that $5,000 dress and given my dad a heart attack when I asked him for his credit card. And I could have gone to that reunion and been proud of myself and my accomplishments.
You know what though? I am SO PROUD of myself. I am currently talking to three people who are considering weight loss surgery. I think that two of them are amazing candidates. (One just is not ready for the lifestyle change, and I get that. She'll get there eventually!) I hope that by sharing my story, I can show the world that being overweight is nothing to be ashamed of. And that doing something radical, like weight loss surgery, is nothing to be ashamed of either, and that it is NOT the easy way out.
You know me, changing the world one ass kicking at a time! Lol!
Today's Weight: 186
Loss since Surgery: 63lbs
Total Loss: 70lbs
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Picture Time
Pictures were requested by a friend yesterday, so I aim to please! (Did you catch that 50 Shades of Grey Reference? lol)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Cover Up
I told you all yesterday that today I would talk about how all the extra weight I was carrying severely damaged my self esteem. Well, here goes.
A year ago, my life was all a cover up. Thoughts were constantly running through my head. Thoughts like, "How can I blend in." "What can I wear that doesn't make me look like I weigh 256lbs?" "Does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, of course it does. Is there anything I own that makes me look less fat?" and my personal favorite, "I can't do/wear that. That's for skinny people."
At some point, I got so freaking tired of thinking those things. It was downright exhausting! And my ass hadn't even gotten off the couch! LOL! But really, mentally, it was taxing. And I didn't want to live that way anymore. So I went to an info session at Dr. Roller's office to check about lap band surgery. I thought I needed to loose about 40 or 50 lbs. Hahahaha! I really had no idea how out of control my weight was. And I was the SMALLEST person there! So really, I was sure I didn't need the surgery. But I went ahead and made an appointment with the Dr. to discuss options.
I was SHOCKED when Dr. Roller told me that I needed to loose about 110 lbs, and that I was a good candidate for full Roux en Y gastric bypass surgery. Holy shit! Was it really that bad? Well, yes, it was. I didn't have any health problems (or so I thought), I was active (or so I thought), and I was young. Surely I wasn't that big!
Oh, but I was. Now, I realize that I did have health problems. My blood pressure was running around 128/78. Now it runs 118/65. My fasting blood sugars were around 128. Now they are around 80. And I was NOT active. At least not compared to now! Now I will run laps around my husband at our local theme park. I'm pumped when I get there, and I'm not exhausted when we leave 6 hours later after riding every roller coaster in the park and walking about 5 miles. And as far as the being young part goes, I feel 10 years younger now. (And honestly, I look about 5 years younger) Truthfully, I look 10 times better today than I did 6.5 years ago at my wedding. I think I'm hot, and so does my husband.
I'm not covering anything up anymore. Yes, I still have bumpy bits, and jiggles. Yes, I have a bit of flabby excess skin. But I'm NOT covering it up. Now I'm not ready for a bikini yet, but I'm rocking my tankini this year. (You know, besides the saggy boobs, but that's from breastfeeding 2 kids!) And I'm wearing sleeveless shirts. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since my Sophmore year of college. And I'm not afraid to wear shorter shorts. And dresses don't look like mumus on me anymore. And I feel good about myself.
Once again, weight is not related to self worth. I know a lot of bigger girls, who are beautiful, healthy, active, and who don't cover up. They are beautiful, and they feel beautiful, and they rock their curves. But I was not one of those girls. I was so ashamed of myself. Losing the weight has allowed me to let go of that shame, and be happy again. And I FEEL great too. Which really is the best part of all.
Atina
A year ago, my life was all a cover up. Thoughts were constantly running through my head. Thoughts like, "How can I blend in." "What can I wear that doesn't make me look like I weigh 256lbs?" "Does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, of course it does. Is there anything I own that makes me look less fat?" and my personal favorite, "I can't do/wear that. That's for skinny people."
At some point, I got so freaking tired of thinking those things. It was downright exhausting! And my ass hadn't even gotten off the couch! LOL! But really, mentally, it was taxing. And I didn't want to live that way anymore. So I went to an info session at Dr. Roller's office to check about lap band surgery. I thought I needed to loose about 40 or 50 lbs. Hahahaha! I really had no idea how out of control my weight was. And I was the SMALLEST person there! So really, I was sure I didn't need the surgery. But I went ahead and made an appointment with the Dr. to discuss options.
I was SHOCKED when Dr. Roller told me that I needed to loose about 110 lbs, and that I was a good candidate for full Roux en Y gastric bypass surgery. Holy shit! Was it really that bad? Well, yes, it was. I didn't have any health problems (or so I thought), I was active (or so I thought), and I was young. Surely I wasn't that big!
Oh, but I was. Now, I realize that I did have health problems. My blood pressure was running around 128/78. Now it runs 118/65. My fasting blood sugars were around 128. Now they are around 80. And I was NOT active. At least not compared to now! Now I will run laps around my husband at our local theme park. I'm pumped when I get there, and I'm not exhausted when we leave 6 hours later after riding every roller coaster in the park and walking about 5 miles. And as far as the being young part goes, I feel 10 years younger now. (And honestly, I look about 5 years younger) Truthfully, I look 10 times better today than I did 6.5 years ago at my wedding. I think I'm hot, and so does my husband.
I'm not covering anything up anymore. Yes, I still have bumpy bits, and jiggles. Yes, I have a bit of flabby excess skin. But I'm NOT covering it up. Now I'm not ready for a bikini yet, but I'm rocking my tankini this year. (You know, besides the saggy boobs, but that's from breastfeeding 2 kids!) And I'm wearing sleeveless shirts. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since my Sophmore year of college. And I'm not afraid to wear shorter shorts. And dresses don't look like mumus on me anymore. And I feel good about myself.
Once again, weight is not related to self worth. I know a lot of bigger girls, who are beautiful, healthy, active, and who don't cover up. They are beautiful, and they feel beautiful, and they rock their curves. But I was not one of those girls. I was so ashamed of myself. Losing the weight has allowed me to let go of that shame, and be happy again. And I FEEL great too. Which really is the best part of all.
Atina
Monday, June 18, 2012
Jumpstart
Hi everybody! I know, its been almost a month. Sorry. Today I'm at 188lbs. That means I've lost 8 lbs over the last month. That's nice, but I would like to be losing faster. I'm going to call the Dr. here in just a bit to see if that's where I should be at this point, or if I should be losing faster. At this point, I have 48lbs left to go to get to my goal. If I keep losing at the rate I'm going now, that would mean 6 more months before I meet my goal, which would put me a year post op. Which I guess is what they said would be the point that I would likely stop losing, but still, I wanna be skinny now!
I'm going to try something over the next week. I'm going to try to eat nothing but protein shakes or greek yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch. Then eat a small dinner. Hopefully that will jumpstart the weight loss again.
Eating has been going pretty good lately. Except for the BBQ Tri-Tip sandwich I tried to eat the other night from my favorite BBQ place. That went horribly. Imagine me, getting a nice, relaxing pedicure. Then having to try to tell the poor Filipino lady that I had to go puke, except she spoke no English. Yeah, sweet! Lol!
But other than that, things are going good. We went to Shogun for Father's Day dinner last night. I ate some salad, some soup, a few veggies, some steak, and a few bites of fried rice. (Cause hey, what's the point if you don't at least get a few bites of the rice!)
On the exercise front: I LOVE mowing the lawn! Who knew? So I've been push mowing the lawn once a week for a workout. And I've been walking 1 mile about 3 days a week with a friend. The kids love to go for walks, and I get a workout. :) I also tried the P90X 30 Day Ab Challenge. FAIL! That thing kicked my ass big time! I got through 3 of 7 exercises, then I was so sore for 3 days that I could barely lift my legs! (Again, the pedicure lady thought I was pathetic. I couldn't lift my leg for her, and I was puking. Awesome!) But apparently I'm a sadist, because I'm going to try it again today.
On the appearance front, I had to go buy some new t shirts the other day. I didn't have any that fit me! Yay! I'm wearing a large, almost medium T-shirt now. And most of the clothes I'm buying are size 14 or a size large. This makes me so happy! I haven't been this thin since High School. Hells yeah! I got a haircut last week. Its a little shorter than shoulder length, and my face doesn't look fat! And My pedicure looks awesome too. :)
Overall, life is good. I feel great, I look great, and I'm super active compared to when I was fat. Notice that? When I was fat? Yep, I no longer consider myself fat. Could I stand to loose 40 more pounds? Yes. If I never loose that 40 lbs will I be unhappy? YES! Do I love myself more now than I did in January? HECK YES! Am I super proud of myself that I've lost 68lbs since Christmas? You bet your ass I am! Am I still a fat girl? Absolutely not. Is self worth related to weight? No. Hell no. But for me, losing the weight has made me realize how unhappy I was. More on that tomorrow.
Today's Weight: 188
Total Loss: 68 lbs
XOXO
ATINA
I'm going to try something over the next week. I'm going to try to eat nothing but protein shakes or greek yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch. Then eat a small dinner. Hopefully that will jumpstart the weight loss again.
Eating has been going pretty good lately. Except for the BBQ Tri-Tip sandwich I tried to eat the other night from my favorite BBQ place. That went horribly. Imagine me, getting a nice, relaxing pedicure. Then having to try to tell the poor Filipino lady that I had to go puke, except she spoke no English. Yeah, sweet! Lol!
But other than that, things are going good. We went to Shogun for Father's Day dinner last night. I ate some salad, some soup, a few veggies, some steak, and a few bites of fried rice. (Cause hey, what's the point if you don't at least get a few bites of the rice!)
On the exercise front: I LOVE mowing the lawn! Who knew? So I've been push mowing the lawn once a week for a workout. And I've been walking 1 mile about 3 days a week with a friend. The kids love to go for walks, and I get a workout. :) I also tried the P90X 30 Day Ab Challenge. FAIL! That thing kicked my ass big time! I got through 3 of 7 exercises, then I was so sore for 3 days that I could barely lift my legs! (Again, the pedicure lady thought I was pathetic. I couldn't lift my leg for her, and I was puking. Awesome!) But apparently I'm a sadist, because I'm going to try it again today.
On the appearance front, I had to go buy some new t shirts the other day. I didn't have any that fit me! Yay! I'm wearing a large, almost medium T-shirt now. And most of the clothes I'm buying are size 14 or a size large. This makes me so happy! I haven't been this thin since High School. Hells yeah! I got a haircut last week. Its a little shorter than shoulder length, and my face doesn't look fat! And My pedicure looks awesome too. :)
Overall, life is good. I feel great, I look great, and I'm super active compared to when I was fat. Notice that? When I was fat? Yep, I no longer consider myself fat. Could I stand to loose 40 more pounds? Yes. If I never loose that 40 lbs will I be unhappy? YES! Do I love myself more now than I did in January? HECK YES! Am I super proud of myself that I've lost 68lbs since Christmas? You bet your ass I am! Am I still a fat girl? Absolutely not. Is self worth related to weight? No. Hell no. But for me, losing the weight has made me realize how unhappy I was. More on that tomorrow.
Today's Weight: 188
Total Loss: 68 lbs
XOXO
ATINA
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