Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Picture Time
Pictures were requested by a friend yesterday, so I aim to please! (Did you catch that 50 Shades of Grey Reference? lol)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Cover Up
I told you all yesterday that today I would talk about how all the extra weight I was carrying severely damaged my self esteem. Well, here goes.
A year ago, my life was all a cover up. Thoughts were constantly running through my head. Thoughts like, "How can I blend in." "What can I wear that doesn't make me look like I weigh 256lbs?" "Does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, of course it does. Is there anything I own that makes me look less fat?" and my personal favorite, "I can't do/wear that. That's for skinny people."
At some point, I got so freaking tired of thinking those things. It was downright exhausting! And my ass hadn't even gotten off the couch! LOL! But really, mentally, it was taxing. And I didn't want to live that way anymore. So I went to an info session at Dr. Roller's office to check about lap band surgery. I thought I needed to loose about 40 or 50 lbs. Hahahaha! I really had no idea how out of control my weight was. And I was the SMALLEST person there! So really, I was sure I didn't need the surgery. But I went ahead and made an appointment with the Dr. to discuss options.
I was SHOCKED when Dr. Roller told me that I needed to loose about 110 lbs, and that I was a good candidate for full Roux en Y gastric bypass surgery. Holy shit! Was it really that bad? Well, yes, it was. I didn't have any health problems (or so I thought), I was active (or so I thought), and I was young. Surely I wasn't that big!
Oh, but I was. Now, I realize that I did have health problems. My blood pressure was running around 128/78. Now it runs 118/65. My fasting blood sugars were around 128. Now they are around 80. And I was NOT active. At least not compared to now! Now I will run laps around my husband at our local theme park. I'm pumped when I get there, and I'm not exhausted when we leave 6 hours later after riding every roller coaster in the park and walking about 5 miles. And as far as the being young part goes, I feel 10 years younger now. (And honestly, I look about 5 years younger) Truthfully, I look 10 times better today than I did 6.5 years ago at my wedding. I think I'm hot, and so does my husband.
I'm not covering anything up anymore. Yes, I still have bumpy bits, and jiggles. Yes, I have a bit of flabby excess skin. But I'm NOT covering it up. Now I'm not ready for a bikini yet, but I'm rocking my tankini this year. (You know, besides the saggy boobs, but that's from breastfeeding 2 kids!) And I'm wearing sleeveless shirts. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since my Sophmore year of college. And I'm not afraid to wear shorter shorts. And dresses don't look like mumus on me anymore. And I feel good about myself.
Once again, weight is not related to self worth. I know a lot of bigger girls, who are beautiful, healthy, active, and who don't cover up. They are beautiful, and they feel beautiful, and they rock their curves. But I was not one of those girls. I was so ashamed of myself. Losing the weight has allowed me to let go of that shame, and be happy again. And I FEEL great too. Which really is the best part of all.
Atina
A year ago, my life was all a cover up. Thoughts were constantly running through my head. Thoughts like, "How can I blend in." "What can I wear that doesn't make me look like I weigh 256lbs?" "Does this make me look fat? Oh yeah, of course it does. Is there anything I own that makes me look less fat?" and my personal favorite, "I can't do/wear that. That's for skinny people."
At some point, I got so freaking tired of thinking those things. It was downright exhausting! And my ass hadn't even gotten off the couch! LOL! But really, mentally, it was taxing. And I didn't want to live that way anymore. So I went to an info session at Dr. Roller's office to check about lap band surgery. I thought I needed to loose about 40 or 50 lbs. Hahahaha! I really had no idea how out of control my weight was. And I was the SMALLEST person there! So really, I was sure I didn't need the surgery. But I went ahead and made an appointment with the Dr. to discuss options.
I was SHOCKED when Dr. Roller told me that I needed to loose about 110 lbs, and that I was a good candidate for full Roux en Y gastric bypass surgery. Holy shit! Was it really that bad? Well, yes, it was. I didn't have any health problems (or so I thought), I was active (or so I thought), and I was young. Surely I wasn't that big!
Oh, but I was. Now, I realize that I did have health problems. My blood pressure was running around 128/78. Now it runs 118/65. My fasting blood sugars were around 128. Now they are around 80. And I was NOT active. At least not compared to now! Now I will run laps around my husband at our local theme park. I'm pumped when I get there, and I'm not exhausted when we leave 6 hours later after riding every roller coaster in the park and walking about 5 miles. And as far as the being young part goes, I feel 10 years younger now. (And honestly, I look about 5 years younger) Truthfully, I look 10 times better today than I did 6.5 years ago at my wedding. I think I'm hot, and so does my husband.
I'm not covering anything up anymore. Yes, I still have bumpy bits, and jiggles. Yes, I have a bit of flabby excess skin. But I'm NOT covering it up. Now I'm not ready for a bikini yet, but I'm rocking my tankini this year. (You know, besides the saggy boobs, but that's from breastfeeding 2 kids!) And I'm wearing sleeveless shirts. I haven't worn a sleeveless shirt since my Sophmore year of college. And I'm not afraid to wear shorter shorts. And dresses don't look like mumus on me anymore. And I feel good about myself.
Once again, weight is not related to self worth. I know a lot of bigger girls, who are beautiful, healthy, active, and who don't cover up. They are beautiful, and they feel beautiful, and they rock their curves. But I was not one of those girls. I was so ashamed of myself. Losing the weight has allowed me to let go of that shame, and be happy again. And I FEEL great too. Which really is the best part of all.
Atina
Monday, June 18, 2012
Jumpstart
Hi everybody! I know, its been almost a month. Sorry. Today I'm at 188lbs. That means I've lost 8 lbs over the last month. That's nice, but I would like to be losing faster. I'm going to call the Dr. here in just a bit to see if that's where I should be at this point, or if I should be losing faster. At this point, I have 48lbs left to go to get to my goal. If I keep losing at the rate I'm going now, that would mean 6 more months before I meet my goal, which would put me a year post op. Which I guess is what they said would be the point that I would likely stop losing, but still, I wanna be skinny now!
I'm going to try something over the next week. I'm going to try to eat nothing but protein shakes or greek yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch. Then eat a small dinner. Hopefully that will jumpstart the weight loss again.
Eating has been going pretty good lately. Except for the BBQ Tri-Tip sandwich I tried to eat the other night from my favorite BBQ place. That went horribly. Imagine me, getting a nice, relaxing pedicure. Then having to try to tell the poor Filipino lady that I had to go puke, except she spoke no English. Yeah, sweet! Lol!
But other than that, things are going good. We went to Shogun for Father's Day dinner last night. I ate some salad, some soup, a few veggies, some steak, and a few bites of fried rice. (Cause hey, what's the point if you don't at least get a few bites of the rice!)
On the exercise front: I LOVE mowing the lawn! Who knew? So I've been push mowing the lawn once a week for a workout. And I've been walking 1 mile about 3 days a week with a friend. The kids love to go for walks, and I get a workout. :) I also tried the P90X 30 Day Ab Challenge. FAIL! That thing kicked my ass big time! I got through 3 of 7 exercises, then I was so sore for 3 days that I could barely lift my legs! (Again, the pedicure lady thought I was pathetic. I couldn't lift my leg for her, and I was puking. Awesome!) But apparently I'm a sadist, because I'm going to try it again today.
On the appearance front, I had to go buy some new t shirts the other day. I didn't have any that fit me! Yay! I'm wearing a large, almost medium T-shirt now. And most of the clothes I'm buying are size 14 or a size large. This makes me so happy! I haven't been this thin since High School. Hells yeah! I got a haircut last week. Its a little shorter than shoulder length, and my face doesn't look fat! And My pedicure looks awesome too. :)
Overall, life is good. I feel great, I look great, and I'm super active compared to when I was fat. Notice that? When I was fat? Yep, I no longer consider myself fat. Could I stand to loose 40 more pounds? Yes. If I never loose that 40 lbs will I be unhappy? YES! Do I love myself more now than I did in January? HECK YES! Am I super proud of myself that I've lost 68lbs since Christmas? You bet your ass I am! Am I still a fat girl? Absolutely not. Is self worth related to weight? No. Hell no. But for me, losing the weight has made me realize how unhappy I was. More on that tomorrow.
Today's Weight: 188
Total Loss: 68 lbs
XOXO
ATINA
I'm going to try something over the next week. I'm going to try to eat nothing but protein shakes or greek yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast and lunch. Then eat a small dinner. Hopefully that will jumpstart the weight loss again.
Eating has been going pretty good lately. Except for the BBQ Tri-Tip sandwich I tried to eat the other night from my favorite BBQ place. That went horribly. Imagine me, getting a nice, relaxing pedicure. Then having to try to tell the poor Filipino lady that I had to go puke, except she spoke no English. Yeah, sweet! Lol!
But other than that, things are going good. We went to Shogun for Father's Day dinner last night. I ate some salad, some soup, a few veggies, some steak, and a few bites of fried rice. (Cause hey, what's the point if you don't at least get a few bites of the rice!)
On the exercise front: I LOVE mowing the lawn! Who knew? So I've been push mowing the lawn once a week for a workout. And I've been walking 1 mile about 3 days a week with a friend. The kids love to go for walks, and I get a workout. :) I also tried the P90X 30 Day Ab Challenge. FAIL! That thing kicked my ass big time! I got through 3 of 7 exercises, then I was so sore for 3 days that I could barely lift my legs! (Again, the pedicure lady thought I was pathetic. I couldn't lift my leg for her, and I was puking. Awesome!) But apparently I'm a sadist, because I'm going to try it again today.
On the appearance front, I had to go buy some new t shirts the other day. I didn't have any that fit me! Yay! I'm wearing a large, almost medium T-shirt now. And most of the clothes I'm buying are size 14 or a size large. This makes me so happy! I haven't been this thin since High School. Hells yeah! I got a haircut last week. Its a little shorter than shoulder length, and my face doesn't look fat! And My pedicure looks awesome too. :)
Overall, life is good. I feel great, I look great, and I'm super active compared to when I was fat. Notice that? When I was fat? Yep, I no longer consider myself fat. Could I stand to loose 40 more pounds? Yes. If I never loose that 40 lbs will I be unhappy? YES! Do I love myself more now than I did in January? HECK YES! Am I super proud of myself that I've lost 68lbs since Christmas? You bet your ass I am! Am I still a fat girl? Absolutely not. Is self worth related to weight? No. Hell no. But for me, losing the weight has made me realize how unhappy I was. More on that tomorrow.
Today's Weight: 188
Total Loss: 68 lbs
XOXO
ATINA
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Plateaus Suck
The title describes it all. I've been stuck at 195 since last Thursday. Dang it. I know, its not even been a full week, but usually I'll drop at least 1/2 lb every 3-4 days. I guess my lazy self is gonna have to work out more. (translated-work out. Because working out has been walking 3-4 days a week.)
I found a slimming workout in a magazine that looks semi-doable. None of that insanity shit. That shit is for marathon runners and crazy people who have done long stints in the military or prison. Not former fatties who have transformed into chubbies. I think I would totally die. So I'm going to work my way up. I might try P90X if my wimpy little magazine exercise doesn't kill me. The workout combines a little strength training with 30 minutes of cardio 6 days a week. (just interval walking/jogging)
I tried running. FAIL! My shorts kept falling down because my gut was pushing them down, and my boobs (Which are still sitting pretty at a 38 DDD) almost gave me black eyes. Not to mention the fact that I must have looked like Santa running for a cookie on Christmas Eve, and both kids were screaming because I was going way too fast. (They were in the double jogging stroller.) LOL!
Also, the lawn needs to be mowed badly, so I thought I'd try to do Jon a favor and at least mow the front today while he's at work and Elliot is napping. So there's a workout there too. Dang, look at me go. Suck it Jillian Michaels! (I really don't like her by the way. She's still the devil. Nobody works out that hard for fun. And if you do, sorry, but I need to introduce you to shopping and Jose Cuervo Margaritas and my kids.--not exactly in that order. We'll at least wait until the kids are in bed before proving that Jose Cuervo is more fun than Jillian Michaels.)
Anyway, here are the stats:
Today's Weight: 195
Total Loss since surgery: 54lbs
Total Loss since Christmas: 61lbs
I found a slimming workout in a magazine that looks semi-doable. None of that insanity shit. That shit is for marathon runners and crazy people who have done long stints in the military or prison. Not former fatties who have transformed into chubbies. I think I would totally die. So I'm going to work my way up. I might try P90X if my wimpy little magazine exercise doesn't kill me. The workout combines a little strength training with 30 minutes of cardio 6 days a week. (just interval walking/jogging)
I tried running. FAIL! My shorts kept falling down because my gut was pushing them down, and my boobs (Which are still sitting pretty at a 38 DDD) almost gave me black eyes. Not to mention the fact that I must have looked like Santa running for a cookie on Christmas Eve, and both kids were screaming because I was going way too fast. (They were in the double jogging stroller.) LOL!
Also, the lawn needs to be mowed badly, so I thought I'd try to do Jon a favor and at least mow the front today while he's at work and Elliot is napping. So there's a workout there too. Dang, look at me go. Suck it Jillian Michaels! (I really don't like her by the way. She's still the devil. Nobody works out that hard for fun. And if you do, sorry, but I need to introduce you to shopping and Jose Cuervo Margaritas and my kids.--not exactly in that order. We'll at least wait until the kids are in bed before proving that Jose Cuervo is more fun than Jillian Michaels.)
Anyway, here are the stats:
Today's Weight: 195
Total Loss since surgery: 54lbs
Total Loss since Christmas: 61lbs
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Just for Reference
Just for me, I needed to see the two pictures side by side. Here goes:
November 2011
February 2012
November 2011
February 2012
Today, May 12, 2012
Stats and Pictures
Just thought I'd start with a few pictures, then list my current stats. (I'm so proud of myself today!)
Now for the Stats:
Pant Size: 14
Shirt Size: L in T shirts, XL in more fitted shirts
Dress Size: 14-16 (usually 14)
Bra Size: 38 DDD (Yep, they still haven't gone down, but my band size is getting too large again, so I'm guessing soon this size will be 36 DDD--Good Lord!)
Today's Weight: 197
Total Lost Since Surgery: 52lbs
Total Lost Since Christmas: 59lbs
Now for the Stats:
Pant Size: 14
Shirt Size: L in T shirts, XL in more fitted shirts
Dress Size: 14-16 (usually 14)
Bra Size: 38 DDD (Yep, they still haven't gone down, but my band size is getting too large again, so I'm guessing soon this size will be 36 DDD--Good Lord!)
Today's Weight: 197
Total Lost Since Surgery: 52lbs
Total Lost Since Christmas: 59lbs
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I DID IT!
So this post is technically a few days late. I hit my goal of being under 200lbs on Friday, May 4th. I'm still there, but then again, I didn't exactly follow my diet to a T while I was on my mini vacation. However, I NO LONGER WIEGH OVER 200LBS!!!!!
I'm just giddy over here. I'm hoping to be under 180 by August. Thats my next goal. And I can't wait!
I'm just giddy over here. I'm hoping to be under 180 by August. Thats my next goal. And I can't wait!
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